巴打, 我冇資格去改你的文章, 我只給一點我的意見吧, 大家交留下。
你可以句子冇錯, 但我覺得係sense of English的問題,我試下用你的意思, 但用我自己的寫法寫幾句吧
利申︰當然我會寫錯野吧
I write to show my interest in applying for the post of branch manager posted in the internal circular dated on 21st April 2020.
I have been working in LIHKG company from April 2010 and have been promoted to the post of supervisor in 2016. With my knowledge of computer science and my experience of being middle management, I am confident that I will be the right candidate to take the managerial role. In particular, I know every aspect of the merchandising department since I closely followed the work of this department in the past 3 years.
The most significant problem of the merchandising department is efficiency. Time is spent on administrative works rather than approaching clients….