【眾籌】我地出咗final draft啦！！！！

致文宣： 關於國際報章上頭版的技術性建議
https://lih.kg/1257812
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樓主搵你地

嘩屌 要喊了

收到

Sor想禁正皮禁錯負皮

Btw大標題提返hong kong會唔會好啲
如果我係外國人求其淨係望一眼淨係見到we shall not surrender唔會知係關hk事
重要考慮埋報紙摺喺邊

[抛磚引玉]
老實講，而家篇文係好詳細咁講咗件事嘅來龍去脈，但係鬼佬冇原因要理你，我自己寫咗少少，係以鄭立嘅論調出發，帶出香港對美國嘅經濟影響，加上少少警察濫權，令鬼佬有道德感召做動力，可省略嘅嘢都唔需要提，重點係推到傳媒會喺G20前問Trump會唔會拎香港出嚟講
利申：我而家打到好眼瞓，歡迎大家一齊執，不過最好一切從簡

鄭立篇文：https://www.facebook.com/cheng.lap.9/posts/10157218484147357

Dear New York Times Readers,

We are a group of Hong Kong citizens asking for your help.

Thanks to United States–Hong Kong Policy Act, Hong Kong became a valuable financial partner of the US and the world, close to 1500 members have registered in American Chamber of Commerce in Hong Kong. However Hong Kong government recently proposed an amendment on the extradition bill, allowing China to cross the border, arrest suspects and transfer to mainland for trial. If this amendment passes it would destroy Hong Kong's rule of law from its foundation, the world’s bridge to Greater China Area will collapse.

(多得美國香港關係法，香港成為美國同全世界嘅重要經濟伙伴，香港美國商會有接近1500名成員，但最近香港政府提出引渡修訂，容許中國越境拘捕疑犯同引渡返去受審，如果通過，香港法治將會被破壞，連接大中華地區嘅橋樑會倒塌)

Because of that, 2 million people took it to the street and showed our concerns on the amendment. However the government responded with violence through police force, as Amnesty International described “…police officers appear out of control, placing peaceful protesters who posed no threat in danger of serious injury.”

(因此二百萬人上街表達對修訂嘅憂慮，但換嚟嘅係政府利用警方向市民施暴，根據國際特赦組織指「警員失控，向和平示威者使用過度武力」)

Chief Executive of Hong Kong later announced postponement on the amendment, however we request a complete withdraw to free us from concerns, and the request is yet to answer.

(特首後來宣佈暫援，但我哋要求完全撤回，令市民唔需要憂慮，然而要求未得到回應)

Please spread this message before G20 xxxxxxxxxxx
要埋尾同加返下款

同意 空白位加啲有soundbite嘅字？
Eg A protester died fighting for freedom in this city

同意，哩句有啲無禮貌同有啲命令式咁
推

最尾會唔會加返

希望大家share香港嘅情況俾更多人知道
每條爭取民主自由嘅路都十分艱難，
有你哋嘅支持，香港係呢條路上並不孤單
#weconnect

辛苦曬

有討論緊
希望NYT俾我地改

仲有，要eye-catching/引起共鳴/令人感動or feel emotional
一開頭有descriptive啲嘅language? 台灣太陽花ad一開頭都有少少背景

E.g.

Dear New York Times Readers,

Since 9 June 2019, over 2,000,000 of people in Hong Kong have marched against the Hong Kong Government.

A protester has died in his fight for freedom in Hong Kong.

The police responded by shooting unarmed protesters in the head and in the eye with rubber bullets, beating up and pepper spraying reporters, and accusing peaceful demonstrators of being rioters. The Hong Kong Government has only suspended the controversial extradition bill temporarily without announcing any full withdrawal.

...

成張黑白太沉寂 應該加粒黃色落去 特出一點

辛苦晒！香港加油

睇埋下面呀！！！

小弟十幾年前A Level 英文 A同喺NY都生活咗十幾年, 近年都幫過慈善機構義務做proofreading/copy writer咁, 對proofreading/grammar 都有幾好嘅掌握, 希望出一分力, 眾高手如有用得著我嘅地方可以tg @noeling, 好樂意再執吓, without changing the content.

加油
Push

好快咁睇咗一次page 1個draft, 我想提議以下修改, 好多都唔係error, 不過我覺得咁樣外國人睇起嚟會覺得自然D...

Dear New York Times Readers,

We are a group of concerned citizens who have been were among the two million protesters marching on the streets of Hong Kong. This is our sincere quest plea for your help to defend our autonomy and freedoms. Here is why you should care.

China has been relentlessly extending their flawed authoritarian rule into Hong Kong since 1997. A recent example is the HKSAR Government’s proposed bill that would allow the extradition of alleged “fugitives” from Hong Kong to China, a country that is notorious for its disrespect disregard for the rule of law, and whose judicial system has a conviction rate of 99.9%.

Businessmen, journalists, tourists of all nations, and even ordinary Hong Kongers could be subject to arrests and sent to China for trials of alleged crimes and fabricated accusations. This will have a devastating impact on Hong Kong where global businesses reside, on the freedom of speech and religion, and on human rights – universal rights that each and every single one of us should enjoy are entitled to.

This That is why two million of us took to the streets defiantly, even after unjustifiable violent suppression from the police on against peaceful and unarmed protestors who are then stigmatized by the government as “rioters”. Police acted brutally using baton and 150 tear gas canisters, and aiming rubber bullets and bean bag rounds at our heads. But we are determined to defend human our last bits of inherent rights and our autonomy.

Withdrawal of the Extradition Bill should only be the beginning. We request demand the unconditional release of all the arrested, the retracting of the “riot” designation of June 12 incident, and the conducting an independent commission of inquiry to look into police brutality. But Most importantly, we demand universal suffrage which allows Hong Kongers to choose our own leaders and make them accountable for their actions. Please join Hong Kong in defending upholding liberty and human rights against authoritarianism.

In view of the upcoming G20 Summit and the meeting between Presidents Trump and Xi, we implore you to deliver address our concerns and demands to your governments. We urge you to stand with us in preserving Hong Kong’s freedom and autonomy against China’s oppression.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
Hong Kongers