26. “Get thee to a nunnery!”
「去做雞啦!」
呢句說話出自莎士比亞名作《哈姆雷特》(Hamlet),故事講述丹麥國王被細佬毒殺篡位,原本嘅王子哈姆雷特決定不惜一切甚至裝瘋賣傻都要報殺父之仇;期間,哈姆雷特為咗擺脫其他人嘅懷疑,更出言侮辱愛人奧菲莉亞(Ophelia);當中嘅措辭用語仿如二十一世紀狠評女人「係雞係公廁」嘅連登仔。見大部分出版譯本都係避重就輕,我決定懷著大無畏精神以「連登仔方式」翻譯(改編)原文,不求準確、只求有趣;如有冒犯,還望莎翁劇迷見諒。(以下對白不代表本人立場

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出處:《哈姆雷特》第三幕第一場
註:哈姆雷特喺度詐傻扮懵,所以會語無倫次。
哈:哈姆雷特 奧:奧菲莉亞
Hamlet: Ha, ha, are you honest?
哈:哈哈!你覺得自己好貞潔呀?
Ophelia: My lord?
奧:殿下?
Hamlet: Are you fair?
哈:你覺得自己好靚女呀?
Ophelia: What means your Lordship?
奧:到底殿下你想講咩?
Hamlet: That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should admit no discourse to your beauty.
哈:如果你又貞潔、又靚女嘅話,你應該為咗你嘅貞操捨去你嘅美貌。
Ophelia: Could beauty, my lord, have better commerce than with honesty?
奧:唔通非處女就唔可以係靚女架喇咩?
Hamlet: Ay, truly, for the power of beauty will sooner transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the force of honesty can translate beauty into his likeness. This was sometime a paradox, but now the time gives it proof. I did love you once.
哈:嗯,係呀。因為美貌可以令女人變成淫娃蕩婦;但冇一個靚女能夠面對誘惑都可以堅守貞操。可能你以為我喺度亂噏,但時間證明一切。話雖如此,事實上,我愛過你。
Ophelia: Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.
奧:係呀殿下,我就相信你愛我。
Hamlet: You should not have believed me, for virtue cannot so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of it. I loved you not.
哈:你係唔應該相信我架。雖然有啲男人接受到掩飾過去、修心養性嘅乖乖女,但其實我冇愛過你架。
Ophelia: I was the more deceived.
奧:我覺得我俾人呃咗。
Hamlet: Get thee to a nunnery. Why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest, but yet I could accuse me of such things that it were better my mother had not borne me: I am very proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offenses at my beck than I have thoughts to put them in, imagination to give them shape, or time to act them in. What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery. Where’s your father?
哈:去做雞啦!點解你要引人犯罪呀?點解你要收兵呀?老老實實,我可以講好多我犯過嘅罪,講到連我阿媽都寧願冇生過我:我又驕傲自大、又有仇必報、又野心勃勃;我嘅罪孽深重到徹底填滿我個腦,令我裝唔到其他嘢。點解我呢啲人渣都仲可以喺呢個世界苟延殘喘?因為個個人都係咁、個個人都信唔過。你都係去做雞啦。仲有呀,你老豆呢?
Ophelia: At home, my lord.
奧:喺屋企呀,殿下。
Hamlet: Let the doors be shut upon him that he may play the fool nowhere but in ’s own house. Farewell.
哈:鎖住佢啦,等個廢老喺屋企吽吽哣哣唔好走出嚟獻世。係咁。
Ophelia: O, help him, you sweet heavens!
奧:神呀!打救下佢啦!
Hamlet: If thou dost marry, I’ll give thee this plague for thy dowry: be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a nunnery, farewell. Or if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool, for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go, and quickly too. Farewell.
哈:如果有人同你埋單,我就贈幾句說話當畀你做嫁妝:無論你睇落幾pure幾true,你成世都會俾人指指點點。你都係去做雞啦,係咁。仲有,如果你真係要搵人埋單嘅話,搵個傻仔啦;因為聰明人都會知道你有幾污糟邋遢!去做雞啦,拿拿淋添呀!係咁。