【仍然雙驕】阿仙奴23-24球迷討論區MMMCLXXII

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N_Bendtner 2024-05-14 13:16:16

Loads of Spurs fans have said that they want to lose badly to Man City on Tuesday night to stop Arsenal winning the league … even perhaps 10-0 just to make sure. You all need to realise that the consequences of doing so could be very, very serious for Tottenham Hotspur.

Picture the scene. A young tech billionaire from Singapore is quietly attending the game amongst the fans to avoid being recognised. He wants to branch out into football club ownership, and Tottenham is top of his shopping list. Maybe it’s the fan base, maybe it’s the history, maybe he’s just really impressed because the pint glasses fill from the bottom … who knows.

His excitement quickly turns into sheer horror when Haaland’s double hat-trick is sealed in the 24th minute. He can’t even stay until half-time. He storms out in a daze. He gets his people to look into acquiring local Sunday league side Athletico Crouch End instead.

The deal goes through and without the hurdles of FFP, he quickly uses the capital that he would have spent on Tottenham to offer ridiculous money to the majority of the Spurs squad instead. The fans are so outraged by this that they abandon Spurs in their hundreds of thousands, and the resulting loss of ticket and merchandising revenue sends Spurs into a downward spiral. 75% of the stadium has to be redeveloped into a Lidl, a Waitrose, a Premier Inn, an IKEA, and apartments just to make ends meet.

Within fifteen years, Athletico Crouch End lift their first Premier League trophy, and on the same day Tottenham Hotspur narrowly avoid relegation from the Toolstation North-West London League Division 8, only to be docked twenty points for a brawl at full-time started by their temperamental main man Mad Mike ‘The Chainsaw’ McMayday who was convinced that the opponents’ goalkeeper was looking at him ‘a bit funny.’ This is the last straw, the club folds, and Mad Mike is so upset that he drives his truck straight into a nearby hedgehog sanctuary and causes 73 fatalities, mostly hedgehog-based.

Just think. All of this horribleness can be avoided. Be careful what you wish for.

Mikel_Arteta 2024-05-14 13:16:23

是，Eze 迪達奧拉屎。

N_Bendtner 2024-05-14 13:17:43

夏撚：
上季你拎唔到金球，今季老大哥幫你拎。

N_Bendtner 2024-05-14 13:18:11

今晚，大家都係熱民。

捷克子彈 2024-05-14 13:19:32

佢諗住幫下我廠手